A dog bed for me? No way.
Okay, so I’m a dog. A bitch, if you must know, and proud of it. Yeah, yeah, I’m aware of the insulting connotations and I do know some humans who really are bitches, but they’re a different bucket of frogs.
Suzie’s the name. I’m six years old – that’s about forty-two to you, dear reader. And I’ve just been rescued from the Kit Wilson Trust in deepest Sussex, whence I emerged with a car full of dog food and dog supplies. Dog collar, dog lead, dog food bowl and lots more besides.
I’m a very classy little pooch, and am pleased to say that I have landed on my four little feet in a very upmarket part of Kent. Garden of England and all that. Loads of space to mooch around in and explore.
A lot of dogs back at the kennels suffered from high levels of stress. Not me. I liked it there, but I like it even better here.
Among the many ‘welcome to our home’ gifts are two dog beds… a tartan one for upstairs and a two-tone brown one for downstairs,
Upstairs, downstairs and in milady’s chamber.
That’s where I sleep, don’t you know.. in milady’s chamber. On her bed, if you must know…
Her big, soft, comfy bed. So why on earth should I settle for a dog bed when I know for a fact that I’m way better than any hot water bottle she ever had down there at her feet. What’s more, I don’t leak…. oops (sorry!)
Anyway, on the way home from the kennel, we stopped off at a shop called Paws for Thought and ended up buying a whole pile more dog supplies. I was allowed to mosey round the shop and look at their impressive display of dog collars, dog clothes, large dog beds, small dog beds, and a whole range of dog coats.
Not that I’d want to wear any of them, mind you.
The nice lady in the shop tried to fit me up with a pink tartan coat that had a fluffy white collar. Honestly, the indignity. Then she produced a raincoat, and something in camel hair that made me scratch like the fleas I know I’ve never had. Thanks to regular squirts of Frontline!
‘Isn’t there anything else I can get you?’ the shop lady asked my human. ‘I’m sure you’d love a smart new bed for your dog. I have wonderful supply of pet dog beds.’
‘No thank you, responded my human. ‘She’s all right there.’
I’m all right anywhere, actually. I just wanted to get out of that shop before they rigged me up in leotards, or a tutu. Rumour has it that my predecessor had a wardrobe full of dog coats. And I’m just not into dressing up. I’m perfectly happy with the black, wire-haired coat I was born with.
Thank you very much.
They family are talking now about bringing down the large dog bed stored away in the loft. It’s a heavy, durable plastic bed that’s easy to clean, they assure me.
‘Then you’ll have three, sweetheart.’
Well, they needn’t bother bringing it down. Honestly, I don’t see the point of a dog bed. However many they give me, I’ll still feel the same. As I’ve already pointed out, the perfect dog bed for me is six foot long, has a big thick mattress, a duvet and lots of feathery pillows.
So let’s cut to the chase. Here, dear humans, is how to get the best out of this particular dog.
As you all seem so fond of the dog beds, how about Himself, Herself and The Old Dear settling down in the dog bed and giving me the choice of their human ones? Then we’d all be happy. Treat me like a human and you’ll save yourself a lot of hassle… and money!
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