Yesterday was quite a day..
It started off with my human panicking over a broken tooth…. hers, not mine. She’d been eating what she thought was a nutty biscuit, only the ‘nut’ she swallowed wasn’t a nut at all, but half of the offending tooth. Humans, honestly! Why can’t they just settle for leathery chews like me and my mates. Much safer… and tastier.
Anyway, she rang the dentist. He offered to see her straight away and next I knew, she was sobbing into my fur, muttering something about operations, and blood and not being able to look after me any more. What a fuss. She had to be forced to go to the dentist, driven there – with me sitting at her feet – by a human with a lot more sense.
Walking with Bertie
In the event there was no operation, no blood and it all came out in the wash. Sort of. It is not for me to go into the gory details of humans in distress. Not that she was, any more. In distress, I mean.
To celebrate the fact that she was still alive, she started kissing me and hugging me and thanking me for keeping her company. Then on Mrs Sensible Human’s invitation, we went for a long walk with a big, slobbery Pointer called Bertie. We walked for miles through woods and fields, after which we said goodbye to Mrs Sensible Human and Bertie. My humans told me we’d be going home on the bus.
I wagged my tail.
I love buses. I sit in the aisle, snuzzling up to all those humans getting on and off, letting them make a fuss of me and telling me how cute I am.
Cut, shaved and bathed
Our bus was standing at the stop by the time we left Mrs Sensible Human and we ran for it. This bus only runs once an hour and if you miss it you have to hang around for ages for the next one. And if that doesn’t turn up…
Normally, that wouldn’t bother me, but I’d been to the beauty parlour a few days ago and it had left me feeling cold without my top layer of fur.
The beautician had picked at me, cut me, shaved me, then put me in the bath until I was only half the dog I used to be. I wouldn’t mind but now the weather has turned cold I could do with one of those lovely tartan coats you see spoilt dogs moseying around in.
Jolly, the spaniel who lives over the road, wears one. He’s always showing off ‘cos he knows I’m dead jealous. It’s got a fluffy white inside and looks really cosy. Great for when it’s raining. Or brass monkey cold, like today.
Controlled by my human
I do wear a harness, though. Nothing to do with keeping me warm. The idea is to give my human control. If I pull her, she tugs the thing and hey presto, I’m back alongside her. If I wander sideways into the bushes, another tug and I’m back to where she says I should be. If I lag behind…ah, well, that’s a different story, as I’m about to explain.
The harness I wear is quite difficult to get on and off. I mean, it’s not the sort of thing you can just step out of.
From all of this, you’ll probably gather that I’m a great one for pulling ahead, with the occasional forays into the bushes alongside us, or even to poke my head through holes in neighbour’s fences. Walking behind my human is not my style.
A bag of chocolate balls
Or it wasn’t… until yesterday. I was watching, fascinated, as some schoolboys tucked into a bag of little chocolate balls. The smell was making me drool and wish they’d drop some on the pavement so I could have a taste.
I’m not allowed anything fancy, you see. Apparently, I’m too fat, so have been put on a diet of dried High Oats food, with no treats. None at all.
So you can imagine how I felt when I got a sniff of those little chocolate balls.
‘Suzie…’ yelled my human: Come on. Hurry up, the bus is about to move off…’
Everything happened at once
She gave a tug of the harness, then everything happened at once.
One of the boys dropped his chocolate. It fell on the pavement and I licked my lips, suddenly realising I wasn’t in my harness any more.
Wah-hey, I’m outta here.
The chocolate ball rolled onto the road and under the bus. I swooped to get it, and oh boy… was it good!
I’m under the bus
My human turned round, saw where I was and all hell broke loose.
‘Suzie..leave,’ she yelled. ‘You’re not allowed to eat chocolate. Drop it.’
Too late. I had already swallowed the thing and was on the scrounge for more.
The fact that I was under the bus seemed to have escaped her
When realisation dawned, you should have heard the commotion at the bus stop. Schoolboys were shouting at the driver that there was a dog under the bus and please would he not start up his engine.
My human was screaming, throwing her arms in the air and at the same time managing to throw her shopping and my harness on the bus. Talk about juggling. How many arms does the Old Dear have, for pity’s sake?
I felt another hand grab me by the collar, pull me out from where I’d been sniffing sundry delights and pick me up. Next I knew, I was on the bus.
Rolling in the aisles
One of the schoolboys held me, another minded my human’s shopping and my empty harness and a third helped the now-very-stressed Old Dear aboard. I felt myself being manhandled by all sorts of people while the harness was placed back on me and the Old Dear’s other items returned to her. And then the funniest thing of all happened.
When she went to sit down, the seat tipped up and she flopped onto the floor, beside me. Seeing her in what I took to be the play-position, I got into it too, stuck my bottom in the air, wagged my tail and licked her all over. The other passengers were rolling in the aisles. So I licked them too.
She’s a one-off
Thanks to heavy traffic, the ride home took twice as long as it should have done and I’ve never enjoyed a trip so much. Pity I can’t say the same about my human.
But I love the Old Dear. She’s a one-off, my human. Life was so dull before I met her.
Related posts:
